Wow its Christmas Eve already and the year is almost over, before you know it 2009 will be a thing of the past and we will be facing 2010. With everything thats going on now I don’t know what I will face in that year, but I know that I plan to face it with my husband and God at our backs. I hope to renew my faith in God and affirm it and make it stronger than ever before. I plan to be a spiritual force that the devil don’t want to mess with but I also know he will try me even harder. I want to work on making all the things I want to work better do so in my life and work on getting some more security in life. I am getting my Kennedi ready for pre-k. Lord that is going to be hard to have her gone for most of the day, but she is ready for school. She has been asking to go so it will be just me and the little man come August.
I just want to wish everyone a blessed and happy holiday season. I don’t think I will be on much to blog while I enjoy this time with my family but I will be back in 2010 with lots to talk about. BE blessed and safe and please remember the reason for the season.
Do you praise your husband or wife? I find that often its easier for us to criticize the ones we love before offering up praises to them. For instance, my husband loves to be complimented when he cooks. He likes to hear the food tastes great or if I have any suggestions for the next time he does that recipe again. I on the other hand almost always forget to give him his praise. I don’t compliment him often when he cooks I just inhale the food and thank God that I didn’t have to cook it because after all I am getting break.
Its funny I can type this now because I am almost certain the next time he cooks I won’t remember to pay that compliment either. But sometimes people just like to hear that you think they did good. Yes even your spouse. Now its amazing that my same husband who wants praise for cooking meals don’t do the same for stuff I may do. He always says well that’s your job. See I am a SAHM, so no one tells me good job on the floors today it looks extra shinny, or wow the windows is super clean, or dang the bathroom is pinesol clean and smells great. Even though its my job to do those things, just knowing that someone else notices my work makes all the difference. Think about it. Don’t you want a pat on the back from your boss when you do good at work? So why not do the same thing in your own home. It begins with you and then when you have children it will be the same and it always encourages good work and makes people feel appreciated.
Next time your husband or wife does something practical that they do always give them some praise and see how far it goes.
So this morning bright and early of course the devil was at play again. Trying to stop me from blogging in an attempt to serve God. So anyhow I decided to give it all to God and have faith and then a friend show me a quote she got from an app on facebook and it was powerful and good news. Then I went to my notifications and got an invite to join a network blog. So I was intrigued and I joined. The name of the blog is “Say No to Married Men.” I smirked a little and went on to see what it was about, and to my surprise I saw a comment from a follower that pretty much stated that sometimes its different because the (in her words) ass hole don’t tell you he is married and then you find out that they all are. That automatically told me two things:
- This woman has dated a married man before and of course was hurt by him.
- That she also somehow is attracted to married men because she said all and not he, since it was plural and not singular.
So then I asked my husband did he think it was possible to date a married man and not know until too late in the relationship or until you do some digging? He said he didn’t know for sure but he didn’t think so.
Here’s what I think and I could be wrong because I have never dated a married man before. The only one I have is my husband and that’s because he is my married man. Here are my reasons why I think you would know.
- His time is very limited that he can spend with you ( I know what you are gonna say, well maybe he has a busy job, well so does my husband, sometimes he works late nights and weekends but I can always reach him at his job or on his cell at those times also. The fact that he is working late does not mean you should not be able to reach him, heck even a doctor is reachable I don’t know a profession that at any point the person is completely unreachable when they work.)
- You are not allowed to visit his job. If you can’t just drop by with a lunch basket for him or swing by if you are in the area or anything like that something is up. (I am aware of some professions that this does not apply so if he is one of those professions then this does not apply to you)
- You can’t call him at any time of the night. This is a big indication to me that something is going on. If you are dating a man and something happened to you and you needed him to be there for you in any type of way, (unless he is working and sometimes even then you can get him to come to your side) if he can’t answer his cell phone whenever you call then you should be digging deeper. Oh and don’t believe he is a hard sleeper. I know someone who hides their cell phone in the car when he is home with his woman so none of the others can reach him. So get wise and think smart.
- He don’t take you around his friends at all or often. I know this one may take time in the relationship for it to happen but a reluctance to introduce you to friends is another indicator of something being hidden.
- He don’t take you around his family. Again I know this may take time and it could be tough when he doesn’t live near them but if you can’t talk to them on the phone or go for dinner or even mention his family at all, run away as fast as you can from that relationship because you are shorting your own self. Even if he is not close to his own family (which I know someone can think of a reason why, trust me he has someone close to him that is like family, we all do.)
- You can’t see him on holidays. I know some professions may make this impossible. My sister is a Corrections Officer and there have been a few Christmases that we didn’t see her first thing in the morning so I am aware that could be it, but its rare that on every holiday this person will have to work. Its set up that sometimes you work and sometimes you don’t.
- You can’t celebrate birthdays together. If you are dating a man and you can’t see him on his birthday to help him celebrate then something may be up. Now he could be smart and say he has to work and you have to celebrate early and then you will never know, if that’s the case call him at 12:01 AM to wish him a Happy Birthday, say you wanted to be the first to tell him. If he is unreachable at late hours its because he is probably with someone else.
- This is the last reason I will post that I think is a sign a man could be married. You can’t go to his house. If you can’t visit him house often that could be a sign. Yes he could live with his mother, but come on if a man is living with his mother and he is grown obliviously he don’t have any shame at all. I don’t think that would be a reason for him to not take you by there. Plus it would kill two birds, you visit mom and see his room or basement.
Those are my reasons that I thought of. I know that you can find a reason to justify them all but I know for me if I saw those signs and I was dating someone it would make me think about it. None of this is directed to young adults. I am not talking about your college sweetie or high school boo. This is about mature relationships. But I said a mouthful. I want to know what other people think. Can you date a married man and never know he was married? Or is the ugly truth that you know he is married and you are too afraid to find out so that you can face those facts. I hope someone answers.
So in mid November I stood the test of submission to my husband and to my amazing surprise I don’t think I passed it at all. However I can say that he didn’t either.
Understanding what submission in marriage means also learning about what both the husband and wife must do to make it work. I admit to my wrong doing. I didn’t put the faith in my husband to believe that his decision was right but he didn’t consult me either on my feelings concerning the issue either. So we both failed the test. And yes it did create arguments and yes I did cry (I am a big crier, I cry for everything thats just how I am) Finally though we did come to a great compromise and we both saw each other point of view. Yesterday however on our anniversary I decided maybe I should talk to him again. The last thing I want is for him to not believe that I have put all my trust in him. He would breathe his last breath of air in me so I can live so he must know that I trust and honor all his decisions as the head of our house.
In closing I want to share a bible verse.
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
I was in bed two nights ago and I though about my blog. In February I thought that I would do this daily and be able to share with everyone and at the same time do what I think God was calling me to do. Well that never happened as you can clearly see. So much has happened since then. Boy has the devil been busy, first depression, a recession that is making it harder for the family, car trouble, Trey had to have minor surgery and the list just goes on and on.
So needless to say, God is calling on me again. This time I do want to heed his call and truly do this thing with all my heart and soul. I don’t know where it will take me and what I am going to say and do or reveal in this blog but I pray that he guides me and uses me to do some work for him. And I am ready for that devil too. I am working on being a prayer warrior so that no matter what he throws my way I will just put it in the hands of God, and have all the faith that he will do what he has to do to fix it. So here I got again trying to do what I can for God.
Please and blessings,
The submissive wife.